The “missing” ingredient
CR James
Date: Sat, 22 Apr 2006 04:14:02 -0700 (PDT)
From: [C] <*********@yahoo.com> Add to Address Book Add Mobile Alert
Subject: recharging the zest between us
Hi James,
Very good book. I’m reading it now.
I have a problem. I left my home country last year to
take up permanent residence overseas. Actually, it is
a year since I am here. My wife is still back home.
All arrangements have already been made for her and
she is joining me here permanently in June.
We are married for 6 years now. Our relationship is
very strong, we write, keep in touch, talk all the
time, no problems at all.
Back home, we use to have sex and make love all the
time, no fuss. Since I arrived here, I have been going
back and forth a few times for vacation, we still had
good sex. Since I have been back in October last year,
I noticed a slight change.
Yes, we still talk OK and she is so excited and can't wait
to see me in June, once her stuff is taken care of and
packed up.
While I was out, she has been very busy with in our
in-laws, work, night classes, gym, etc. We spoke last
week and she told me that she has just lost interest in
sex totally.
She has gotten frigid. I tried talking
our usual dirty talk some time ago and she was angry,
telling me sex is dirty, why God invented this
stuff, (sex) she's not even sexually interested - it has
nothing to do with me and how she feels toward me - she
says she still loves me deeply she even told me when
she gets here she will only have it once a month, or
less. She is not having an affair or such (she even
lost taste to desire others) - I would have known a long
time if it was so. I think she has gotten so involved
in her stuff to keep herself busy that her sex points
has reached ZERO.
SHE ADMITTED TO ME THAT'S THE
PROBLEM.
That's why I bought your book. I stumbled upon it
accidentally on the net, by chance. I am desperately
looking to light the fire once she gets here, as well
as changing my approach. I am an active guy. I train
all the time, keep healthy all the time, well rounded
personality - it's just this problem that keeps nagging
me all the time. I want to make her feel sexy again.
What should I do right now while Iwait for her
arrival? Any ideas other than getting the info from
your books?
Any help from you is greatly appreciated.
Cheers, James
---
Hey [C]
Interesting situation.
Let me get some info so I can help...
What kind of female is she (i.e., shy, full-of-energy, lazy, happy, depressed, not many
friends, confident, dominate, bitchy etc)?
What do you think makes her so special? What is she passionate about?
What does she complain about? (as far as the relationship or life in
general, or you)(other than god and sex talk)
Is there something else that she said that really stood out?
Does she talk down to you as if she is better than you?
How did you meet her? And what was it that made her go crazy over you (fall in love)
initially?
Was there a special move you put on her? (or did she initiate the contact)
Letme know anything else you think is important...
Take care my friend...
Warmly,
CR James
-----
Date: Sat, 22 Apr 2006 07:53:26 -0700 (PDT)
From: [C] <*********@yahoo.com>
Subject: Re: recharging the zest between us
To: "C James"
Hi James,
Thanks for the quick reply.
Well, about her:
1. She's not shy. She likes being around
friends, especially her former school mates (girls
mainly) enjoying good laughs and conversations.
2. She is full of energy, she has confidence, but
sometimes she beats herself up - in my opinion. Sometimes
she is a bit self conscious, like when we are in
public together, she gets restless, looks around to
see whose watching her etc
3. I think what I see in her that makes her so special
is that she likes our company and always stands at my
side no matter what.We went through a lot together and are
still there. We can argue and work things out
afterwards no problem.We always make up.
4. She complains at times, about me being stubborn
sometimes(although my listening skills have improved
and she bared all her feelings last week hen she spoke
to me.
We never did that before- due to the fact I
listened without cutting in and empathized with her.
Sometimes she also complains about the world, weather,
Her/our family, her job, etc. ESPECIALLY WHEN SHE HAS
HER PERIOD, SHE GETS VERY COLD, ANGRY AND DEPRESSED/
COMPLAINING NON STOP- I WALK ON EGGSHELLS
AROUND HER AT THESE TIMES.
5. What really stood out from what she said is that she
is frigid now.
6. Actually, at times she does talk down to me and feels
that she is better than me. I am a very assertive
person. I tell her how I feel and set limits without
putting her down at all in the moment. I never
disrespected her at all, yet she says what she wants
to me any time she feels like.
7. Imet her in 1995, that time she was 22 and Iwas
25. She as not experienced in relationships far less
Sex.
Iwas her first steady man/relationship. She was a
virgin, I was the first to have sex with her. I took
my time and had sex with her 6 months after we met. I
took it really slow with her and gradually, she opened
up until she was always the first to initiate. I was
the one to make the first move. I showed her all the
tactics of lovemaking and how to enjoy it. I also
treated her with respect. Always.
2 weeks ago, I sent her some fantasy stories I made up
of her, which included us having sex and doing crazy
things. Here’s a sample of her response:
"I am so damn flattered that you are still so crazy
about me babe, it just makes me more excited about
coming home to you and our life as we once knew it to
be and even better off course. This is really a bang
start for me so keep on pumping darling.
I dreamt of you last night and you were an astronaut
and a pilot at different times in your life. I have
this hunch or rather FAITH that we will be very
comfortable later on in our lives, I just have a gut
feeling. I don't know how and when but I can just see
it already and no I don't think it is wishful
thinking. With hard work, strong mind and ability we
will make it in the future. "
Here’s another one I got last week, after we spoke
And she expressed her true self:
"I do feel better as I opened up to you about
everything that has been going on inside me. I just
want us to be happy , ok honey? I love u so much"
Also, at the time when I called her, I told her then she
is coming, to pack the sexy outfit I always liked
seeing her with in her bag, to maybe relive our hot
times. She told me-" I’m coming up, I have so much to
do, I have to study for exams in May, I have to get
things together before I leave, sell stuff, etc and
you want me to pack a stupid outfit, for what, for
sex? I cannot think of sex right now. I have too much
to do before I come up to you. I’m very cold to it
now.Why God invented it?Why? Just like that, for
someone to be thrusting in and out of me like
that? That’s sick!!"
WELL, WHEN I FIRST MET HER WAY BACK, SHE WAS TALKING
ABOUT IT LIKE THAT, EXACTLY. IT'S LIKE HISTORY
REPEATING ITSELF, OR MAYBE SHE HASN'T SEEN ME FOR 8
MONTHS...
THAT'S ALL THE INFO I HAVE, JAMES.
Please give me some good advice, as the date is coming
near (1 month's time or so).
[C]
-------------
Hey [C]
As far as her anger towards sex, I wouldn't take it as her natural views.
It is important to be able to identify when she is completely not-in-the-mood for hearing
or discussing sex (which is probably something that you have to deal with more in the
future when you are with her)...
Because what some guys naturally do is ask the woman things like 'Why do you feel God
shouldn't have creating it?' or 'Why do you feel that a guy thrusting in and out of you is
bad' and other questions like that. And all that does is keep her in that mind state longer...
A good way to look at it is by thinking of all women as having a percentage of time when
she is receptive for sex talk AND non-receptive for sex talk...
So 30% of the time she could be receptive AND 70% she could be non-receptive
When you identify the non-receptive time, it will make a lot of sense to just back off...
Because a discussion or analyzing it (which is what we guys tend to do) will
LENGTHEN that time so over a course of a day, week or month... consistent
'unknowingly harmful' discussions WILL increase the wrong percentage and then it
changes to something like:
22% of the time she is receptive to sex talk (or discussions of sex)... THEN over time
15% of the time she is receptive to sex talk (or discussions of sex)... THEN over time
7% of the time she is receptive to sex talk (or discussions of sex)... THEN over time
You could literally (and some guys have done this unintentionally) program her into
hating sex with you – or with any guy!
This would be a full blown disaster and destruction to a healthy
tender female!
Timing is important.
When a woman is saying bizarre things like that (i.e. Why did God create sex?), just take
it as an indication that now is a bad time for sex talk…
(Let’s face it - it’s possible for a woman to get to the point where she is body-shaking
cumming like crazy!)
So don't take it personal...
NEVER take it personal…
And NEVER take it as her true feelings - even though she may sound very convincing...
Even though she may think she will always feel that way...
(As long as she has a brain that allows her to absorb your words and nerve endings in her
body, she can reach orgasmic levels she never knew existed!)
It's kind of like being at a funeral, and all of sudden your favorite comedian enters the
church and starts telling jokes... Chances are they won't be funny...And in your 'time of
stress' you might say something like 'That guy is a moron. He’s actually not funny at all.
All comedians are jerks in their own way... Who was the idiot who invented stand-up
comedy’ and so on...
But a few days later -- when you are in a better frame of mind -- you may watch the
comedian perform again, and laugh like crazy...
It’s about Timing...
So just think of it that way...
When you are trying to get her in a sexual mind state...
STEP 1: Focus on getting her in a happy mode - a happy state of
mind (for reasons explained earlier)
STEP 2: Build you value (all the tactics and stuff scattered
through the ebooks and reports)
STEP 3: Build the sexual tension (all the tactics and stuff
scattered through the ebooks and reports) - In most cases,
building your sexual value creates the tension automatically -
especially if she 'feels' the change...
STEP 4: Introduce the topic of sex slowly (if you are uncertain
of her mind state) then gradually increase it to the point where
the initiation is obvious (not as calculated).... (it's no
different then having sex. Unless she is extremely horny, the
average sensible guy won’t just ram his penis in her and start
plowing away fast and hard from the very beginning - so it's a
good idea to take the exact same approach when getting her open
to the idea of sex -- if you are talking that kind of approach
[Direct Conversation-Driven Sexual Tension Building] -- introduce
the topic/idea of sex slowly and build the conversation about
it.)
Your case is a little unique b/c when she is far away and you can't really ‘measure’ her
mind state at the time she receives your letter or email...
Plus not seeing her and being with her doesn't give you the same 'full' understanding of
her experiences and what she is going through as if you were with her...
There have been times when I sent my fiancé a sexy email while she was at work and
nothing happened... and it some cases, it appeared to actually piss her off...
On the other hand, I’ve sent emails that had her hot and horny throughout the whole day
to the point where she couldn't think of anything else...to the point where that was the
only thing on her mind - having wild sex...
So the formula to creating a horny woman via email is NOT what the message says
(directly)...
That’s what most guys think…
The formula is sending the email that cheers her up (non-sexual) or identifying a preexisting
happy mode and then sending a value building (if necc.) and then the sexy
email... [Steps 1 through 4 from above]
So it's good to look at it as a time-focused strategic process of sending Lust Signals (or
signals that cause a very predictable emotional response)...
So as far as the formula....
1. Make her happy
2. Build value
3. Build tension
4. Initiate Sex (or the agreement of Future Sex)
... you can take a long term approach
1. Spending a few days or weeks just 'making her happy'
2. Then, spending a few days or weeks just 'building value'
3. Then, spending a few days or weeks just 'building sexual tension'
4. Then, spending a few days or weeks just 'introducing sex (and initiating)'
Or you can take a short term approach
1. Spending a few hours or minutes just 'making her happy'
2. Then, spending a few hours or minutes just 'building value'
3. Then, spending a few hours or minutes just 'building sexual tension'
4. Then, spending a few hours or minutes just 'introducing sex (and initiating)'
I hope that helps...
The issue IS NOT her being a woman that doesn't have the biological capabilities to
enjoy sex like every woman on earth to the point where she is angry with God about why
it is exists...
The issue IS not knowing the potentially sexual-value decreasing affects of non-strategic
TIMING...
So again whenever a woman is in one these crazy ass irrational moods, it's best to move
the subject to something else (affecting the percentages) and/or communicating to her in
some way that her feelings are limited to her current feelings (NOT how she always
feels)
'Oh honey, I understand if thinking of sex RIGHT NOW is a bad idea. After all you've
been working hard and this and that is going on...'
So you say something that has an 'element of understanding' (empathizing with her -
showing her that you understand her emotions) which she'll accept because that's
obviously her primary focus at the time BUT it also gets her to accept that her views are
limited (time-based) to her current mode....which is VERY VERY IMPORTANT
because the last thing you want is for the woman to program herself into believing she
actually hates sex - to the point where she begins to feel this way all of time... in which
case, you have to start an approach of reminding her of times when she has proven that at
the RIGHT TIME she can enjoy sex...
She has the memories to prove that at the RIGHT TIME she can enjoy sex.
I hope that helps... good luck
Warmly
CR James
Super HappySex.com
Lust Signals.com
------
Hi James,
GRREAT!!!!What a revelation!!! I didn't think of it
that way. I already took her feelings, hook, line and
sinker!!!!Well, in the meantime, Iwill study your
books, learn as much as I can and avoid the sex topic
when talking to her. I will talk about other stuff,
besides sex. When she gets here, don't worry, the mood
will dictate. I just have to do what u advise me to do
and let the chips fall here they may.
Your’e right. I did take her comments too personal.
Shame on me. Now I know better.
[C]
Peace Love And Happiness
Instructor CR James
Your Secret Weapon
SuperHappySex.com
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